SPECIAL EDITION: Joe-Pourri is investigating unsubstantiated reports of Pope sightings in the United States. The number of eyewitnesses claiming to have seen Pope Francis is growing by the hour. However, people make notoriously bad eyewitnesses. Joe-Pourri has determined that over the same period there were a similar number of Elvis sightings.
Joe-Pourri is also skeptical because studies have shown that the average person has difficulty distinguishing key facial features at distances over 50 feet. This explains why, for example, the Pope is often confused with Justin Bieber.
Nevertheless, unverified sightings are being reported of the Pope-Mobile, the Pope-o-Plane, and the Good Ship Lolli-Pope.
Some photographic evidence has emerged, including video of Francis in various American cities. One of the cities is Washington, though, and you can’t believe anything that comes out of there. Also, these days, any ten-year-old can doctor photos. (I personally often ask ten-year-olds to doctor mine – see above photo.) Pope impersonators have also surged since Pope Francis became so popular. That hat alone is so cool. Oh, come on, like you don’t dress like the Pope in the privacy of your home.
Joe-Pourri interviewed a number (roughly two) of average Americans in the street. The most popular reason expressed for belief that the Pope is here was that the major news networks are all saying it’s true. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Joe-Pourri really got a kick out of that one.
Stay tuned to Joe-Pourri, as we will work tirelessly and unceasingly to get to the bottom of these rumors, unless it’s time for our nap.