Today the Joe Zone is proud to present the maiden flight of a new feature: Joe-Pourri.
Those of you who are still reading may ask, “What the heck is Joe-Pourri?” It’s new, I tell you! It’s improved! (Wait – if it’s new, how can it be improved? I don’t know, but trust me, it is.) Joe-Pourri is a collection of bits of unrelated items, previously scattered about, that I’ve gathered in one place.
Hold on, you say. We already have a word for that: trash. Well, that’s true. But this is good trash. Cool trash. Interesting trash. Fragrant trash. In the grand tradition of the Joe Zone being an unacquired taste, Joe-Pourri will rumble down the runway, gain speed, tilt up its nose, and crash into a mosquito-infested marsh.
We’re hoping a lot of JZ fans live in that marsh.
Here we go:
• Recent studies show that fracking does not pollute groundwater. Recent studies also show that fracking pollutes groundwater. Unconfirmed at this time are reports that these studies were conducted by the same groups that conduct medical studies, usually under the direction of Daffy Duck.
• Blatant editorial comment: I wish these people would get together. Studies have shown, however, that if wishes were horses, beggars would be trampled.
• An aardvark from New Mexico became the 143rd GOP candidate for president today when it tossed its hat in the ring. GOP leaders were taken by surprise. A highly-place GOP official stated, “We didn’t realize aardvarks wore hats. We think his chances are excellent, though.”
• Today’s weather forecast: partly cloudy with a chance of drones. Increasing drones tomorrow. The weekend promises scattered apocalyptic storms. And here’s your Joe-to-Go: The long-range forecast includes the eventual death of the universe.
Join us next time, when Joe-Pourri casts an analytical eye on Congress. Or possibly Taylor Swift.