Yes, it’s true, Joe-Pourri is back again with its ninth edition. Where’s DDT when you need it? Here’s a roundup of the hottest and freshest news morsels, some even fit for human consumption.
- The IRS has ‘fessed up that they were caught with their pants down even farther than previously reported. Cyber thieves stole tax forms of 334,000 Americans, rather than the paltry 114,000 previously reported. The IRS is offering free credit protection to those affected. Gee, thanks. Could they possibly be more careless with our money? The Joe Zone staff thinks the victims should also be absolved from paying taxes for one year. A national sales tax sounds pretty good – bye, bye, IRS!
- A “secret” deal will allow Iran to use its own inspectors at a site where it has been accused of developing nuclear weapons, according to the Associated Press. I plan to ask the Obama administration for an agreement that I will inspect my own income and send in the appropriate amount of taxes. No IRS involvement necessary. I figure they should trust fellow Americans at least as much as they trust Iran.
- NASA scientists reported an explosion on the moon visible to the naked eye. No, it wasn’t Donald Trump squaring off against Hillary Clinton. It was the 56,000 mph impact of a space boulder (meteorite), creating a crater 65 feet wide. Fortunately, it didn’t hit the plaque left behind by Neil and Buzz.
- Extra! Extra! This just in! Speaking of astronauts, Apollo 16 astronaut (and the sixth man to walk on the moon) Edgar Mitchell has stated that aliens helped prevent nuclear war between the US and USSR during the Cold War. While the Joe Zone Bureau of Science (JZ-BS) continues to investigate the accuracy of this claim, we’ll just make a highly rare editorial comment and say that if proven to be true, we hope they’re still around. Things are more royally screwed up than ever, and we need all the aliens and angels we can get.
We’re out of time, and Joe needs his nap and medication, so forget about all those boring news sources, and always get the straight scoop straight from the straits of veracity and lunacy here in the Joe Zone. If you’ve missed any of the eight earlier editions of Joe-Pourri, check them out right here in the Joe Zone.