The Joe Zone Bureau of Science (JZ-BS) is once again excitedly pop-eyed to bring you the finest in Breaking News! Yes, the JZ-BS serves up only the most succulent, gourmet breaking news, so fresh it hasn’t really broken yet, it’s just thinking about coming out of the breaking news closet. But we figure, why wait? Being first is foremost, and being best is second best, and a half truth is twice as good as a quarter truth. So without being encumbered by fact-checking and source-verifying, here it is for your epicurean consumption:
A Martian meteorite recently found in the Moroccan desert was discovered to have bits of black glass embedded in it. After some intense, grunting examination by trained professionals (plumbers, I think), it was determined the glass had NOT been placed there by Moroccans. Everyone knows Moroccans enjoy a good prank as much as anyone, but in this case the glass was Martian, not Moroccan.
How did the experts know the meteorite was from Mars? The JZ-BS brings you this exclusive interview with a leading plumber – I mean, scientist – from the scene:
Joe: So, did you subject the meteorite to sophisticated scientific tests to determine its origin?
Leading Scientist: In a manner of speaking, yes. I turned it over.
Joe: Turned it over?
LS: Yes, turned it over.
Joe: What good did that do?
LS: It revealed the “Made on Mars” tag.
Joe: Wow, who knew? Science sounds a lot easier than I thought.
LS: Yes, especially when we just make it up.
Joe: For sure. So now we’re importing meteorites from Mars? I would think the shipping costs would make that economically unviable.
This strange interplanetary artifact brings up the puzzling question: are Martian windows black? But, actually, it seems more likely that the black glass was not window glass. Maybe it was from Martian bowling balls. I always thought bowling would be a lot more fun if the ball and pins were made of glass. KEEE-RASH TINKLE Tinkle tinkle tinkle. Maybe the Martians think so, too.
Or maybe glass is currency on Mars. They’ve seen how wacked we are here on Earth, and are sending us big Martian bucks if we drop our Mars exploration programs and stay where we are. Just put yourself in Martian shoes (Joe Zone freaks do it all the time). Right now there are so many Martian rovers and orbiters pointing cameras in all directions, that the Martians have to be feeling more paparazzed than Lindsay Lohan and Kate Middleton combined.
The JZ-BS also thinks it’s significant that the meteorite landed in Morocco, land of Casablanca and Bogey and play it again, Sam. Is the glass their way of saying, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”?
Well, that’s it from the Joe Zone Bureau of Science. Stay tuned to hear all the latest startling science news that won’t give you the blues, or make you feel abused. Join us next time, when we hear Stephen Hawking say, “It’s actually E equals MC cubed.”