Regular Zoners will recall that, to celebrate the vernal equinox, we partied at spring’s expense (“The Four Seasons, Part 1: Spring Rears its Ugly Head,” March 20, 2013). Now that the summer solstice is upon us like suffocating humidity on a southern swamp, it’s time to put summer under the Joe Zone nuclear-powered microscope, show it who’s boss, and put it in its proper place. But first, a little ditty to make summer feel welcome:
Summer’s arrived, dear Ms. and dear Mister,
See the June sun shine, see my June skin blister.
I’d take a walk outside with my dearly devoted,
But it’s so hot out there my thermometer exploded.
What’s that in the sky, circling like homing torpedoes?
Dive-bombing, filthy, blood-sucking mosquitoes!
Before we get off on the wrong foot (which I think I already have), let’s remember that summer is the favorite season of many people. Vacations, soft evening breezes, vacations, gentle rains, vacations, thunderstorms, vacations, wildfires, vacations, hurricanes – looks like a mixed bag to me. But let’s concentrate on the baseball games, corn on the cob, Independence Day, fireworks, emergency room visits… Geez, I’m trying to stay positive; work with me here!
Let’s look at the facts about summer. What the heck is a solstice, anyway? Fortunately, I have access to the Joe Zone Bureau of Science (JZ-BS), that crack team of cracked scientists that I have working in my basement. The JZ-BS informs me that it has no idea what a solstice is, but it might be related to poultry or judo. Hmmm. I think I got a hold of the JZ-BS B-team on that one.
What if we break the word into its component parts? Solstice = sol+st+ice. Sol is the name of our sun, st is an abbreviation for street, and ice is frozen water. There, that explains it perfectly. When all else fails, rely on word power, etymology, and Latin roots. Veni, vidi, vici!
Anyway, the point is – wait a minute, what was the point? Oh yes – enjoy the good things about summer while they’re here. If you disrespect summer, it will get you. Mother Nature may abhor a vacuum, but she really hates bozos who treat her shabbily. Remember:
Succulent summer, it’s here a short stay,
Don’t ever grumble and wish it away.
If you gripe about summer, and hope it will go,
You’ll wake up some morning buried in snow.
Be sure to join us three months hence, for the exciting third part of our “Four Seasons” series. Spoiler alert: the third part will be about autumn (or as we like to call it in the Joe Zone, “fall.”)
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Joe is a CMU grad who has been a humor writer since 2000. His writings have been enjoyed by readers of the Pittsburgh Tribune Review and the Loyalhanna Review. His cat thinks he is hilarious.
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