The mists are starting to dispel in the mirror a bit – hey, what IS that in there? Looks like a new blog in the web-o-sphere. Welcome to my blog!
Blog? What a weird word! Blog, blog, blog. I blog, you blog, he blogs. No, that word just doesn’t sound right. Maybe if Popeye said it: “Well, blog me down!” Except blog wasn’t a word when Popeye was around.
New words are added to the English language all the time. They arise in all sorts of ways; many of them come from the New Word Generator in Area 51. Others come from Steve Miller, as in the POMPATUS of love. Many of these words are fine, but some of them are real blech bombs. And one of the blechiest to inflict itself on us in many years is blog. Blech! Just having that word in my mouth is like chewing a blech-burger. And don’t even mention its inbred cousin, blogger.
Not only are these odd-sounding little mongrels, but they do a terrible job of reflecting what they represent. “Blog” doesn’t sound like a personal opinion piece posted on the internet. It sounds more like some kind of toe wart. “Aw man, look at this ugly blog on my foot. Now I need to buy some Blog-be-Gone.”
Blog would also be a great word for the area of your lawn where the septic tank backs up. “Hey, you kids! Don’t play near the blog over there!”
Blog is said to have arisen as a shortening of web log. As in, “Hey, have you read that new strange-o-gram web log, Reflections in a Misty Mirror?” One can understand how in today’s fast-paced society, it’s a real drag and time-waster to have to say two syllables. So web log quickly became blog. Now we can say, “Hey, have you read that new strange-o-gram BLOG, Reflections in a Misty Mirror?” Wow, that felt much better. With the time we saved dropping that syllable, we can do some serious Googling.
And as you know, people are desperate these days to increase their Google time. I’m shocked that no one has suggested this obvious solution: Google is two syllables, and should be shortened to Goo. “I’m not sure he’s the right candidate for the job. Let’s Goo him and see if he’s had any blogs on his feet.”
And who wants to be known as a blogger? It certainly doesn’t sound like something your mother would be proud of. In a few hundred years, no one will have any idea what it means. If your tombstone says you were a “well-known blogger,” the reaction is likely to be: “Nasty bugger! What a wretched life he must have led!”
So here we are, between a blog and a hard place. What do we do about this word? It may be too entrenched in the public psyche to be excised, but we can try. I recommend a two-pronged attack. But first, a word from Jimi:
Wah-wah-WAHHHH, wocka wah-wah-WAHHHH,
wocka wocka wocka wocka!
Anyway, the first prong is to start using the word “blog” to mean anything but what it’s supposed to mean. Just randomly replace a word occasionally with “blog”. You could say, “I was surprised to look out my back window and see a herd of wild blogs.” The second prong (is that word sounding funny?) is to start calling blogs something else, such as web toots. As in, “Wow, did you read Joe’s latest bizarre web toot?”
So do your part, and join the movement. Prong that blog! And start blogging around the room on the pompatus of web toots.