People sometimes say they have the reverse Midas touch. I have what I call the reverse Edison touch. Any device that uses electricity doesn’t work well around me. This is especially true of computers.
Everyone I know has a computer that is fast as lightning, runs quietly, and seems to read its owner’s mind. Or maybe that’s the NSA doing that. Anyway, that doesn’t happen with me. My computer kicks and brays like a mule if I get within ten feet of it. It immediately slows down as if it had been thrown into a vat of molasses. (Which isn’t a bad idea; I’ve considered doing that a number of times.)