While watching one of the TV doctor shows recently, I witnessed a phenomenon that flabbergasted me. (Frequent haunters of my web toots will attest that I am easily flabbergasted, though. My gast gets flabbered at least twice a week. I may indeed rightly claim the crown of the King of Flabber.) Grown men and women, of the highly educated variety, were sticking tiny teapot nozzles up their noses and, heads tilted at crazy angles, pouring water in one nostril and out the other. To my knowledge, no drugs were involved.
Have you noticed how the weather doesn’t know how to be normal any more? It’s always record heat, or extreme drought, or flooding rains, or monster twisters (no relation to Chubby Checker. Okay, a show of hands – how many actually know who Chubby Checker is? Or that his name is a take-off on Fats Domino?).
Yes, weather lost its mind a while back, and is now certifiably crazy. And with the weapons it has at its disposal, that is a truly frightening thought. Super-Steroidal-Storm Sandy is the latest sad example. So don’t say anything bad about the weather; it’s liable to respond in an extreme, over-reacting way.
In a previous web toot, I talked about using the Joe-ma-Tron. (See “Fouled Out,” October 10, 2012.) The Joe-Ma-Tron allows me to go wherever and whenever I want, and see anything, whether it actually happened or not. I described it as “the patented, exclusive Joe-ma-Tron. The Joe-ma-Tron is a combination time machine, teleporter, dream extractor, fantasy generator, and deluxe snack and gourmet beverage machine.”
Some people have been asking me about it: where it came from, how many places I’ve gone with it, whether it comes with fog lights, interstellar radio, and back-up beepers. But let me tell you, using the Joe-ma-Tron sometimes produces surprising or alarming results.
Every day, it seems, I hear of some frightening calamity that has befallen someone. Some bad thing that I didn’t know was possible. And I conclude that the universe is scarier than I realized. This is not a comforting thought, because I realized from the get-go the universe was teeming with bad juju.
I heard a TV talk show host blathering the other day about generation Z, and I realized I had no idea what she was talking about. I know generation X and generation Y had been labeled a while back, but I hadn’t heard of Z. Some people also refer to the Millennials, which I think refers to anyone over a thousand years old. Show of hands?
Today I am proud to present my most important web toot to date. I came across a composite image of Pluto and its moon Charon, made from Hubble Space Telescope images. I must say I was shocked. In a stunning scientific development that was predicted by no one, Pluto has been revealed to be an enormous, shiny, dimpled disco ball.
- Another Q&A session – send your questions in!
- The inside scoop on future projects
- More Adventures in Space and Time in the Joe-ma-Tron
Welcome to my second web toot!
Baseball is a beautiful sport. America’s premier contribution to the sporting world has elegant rules, eye-pleasing playing fields, and a leisurely pace punctuated with exclamation points of excitement. I love baseball’s history, I love its pageantry, I love everything about it.
The mists are starting to dispel in the mirror a bit – hey, what IS that in there? Looks like a new blog in the web-o-sphere. Welcome to my blog!