The Joe Zone proudly presents Joe-Pourri VII. Yes, against all odds and reason, the seventh installment in the semi-popular series (ranking just behind impacted teeth and rabies in popularity) is taking flight, assisted by the hot air currents emanating from the burgeoning field of presidential candidates.
- Fans of political spectacles are salivating in anticipation of the Republican debacle – I mean debate. Only the top 150 candidates are participating. The stage is being reinforced due to the weight, and the walls are being let out due to the egos. Political pundits are eagerly laying down their bets as to who will trump the field. The remaining candidates booked a group tour of the White House, in anticipation of never again having the opportunity to see it.
- In the interests of equal time, we now switch to the donkey front. Hillary Clinton reportedly is balking at turning over the stone tablets she used for classified correspondence while Secretary of State. “They were all safe, encrypted messages,” she avowed. “They were in hieroglyphics.” She bristled at suggestions that she was guilty of wrongdoing. “Guilty and Clinton have never appeared together in the same sentence,” she said. “Well, at least not until that last sentence. Besides, I bring the same level of – what’s that word? Oh, yes, integrity – to everything I do. And especially to everything I don’t.”
- On the solar system beat, scientists continue to search for asteroids that could threaten the Earth. Experts, however, believe an asteroid impact is unlikely in the near future. A poll revealed that a majority of Americans are disappointed with that assessment, as they were hoping for an asteroid hit before the presidential debates.